Self Worth.

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Self Worth.

Trying to find you, old friend.

What happened?

Seems like you never want to attend

The blackened streets

That fill my mind

The party is in the front seat

And you’re copped out in the backseat

 

You’re like a mendacious friend, that said

they were there ’til the end

Where did you go, self worth?

Have you left my Earth?

 

Answer me this, self worth,

When will you come back?

When I’m lying on my back,

Approximately after shotgun blast?

 

It’s too late, self worth.

Maybe it’s my fault, since birth.

It’s a sin to feel these things,

For a homespun country girl.

 

So go look in the mirror, homespun country girl.

And try to convince yourself that it hasn’t gone awhirl.

But I’m just too busy playing dead to act like I’m alive. ***

 

 

 

Self Worth.

Never sure.

I want to be left alone

But I so desperately want attention.

 

I don’t want to be touched

But I so frantically want to be loved.

 

I so badly want to reach out for help

But my pride shoves me back down.

When I’m happy, I’m almost high.

When I’m down, I’m on the verge of being suicidal.

 

I experience those two vigorous emotions in the matter of minutes or hours.

 

I just want to take the reigns,

Get ahold of my out of control emotions.

 

But they are a rabid beast lurking in a dark and unwelcoming forest.

And I’m a little fawn without it’s mother,

Scared and submissive.

Never sure.

And I Just Stare.

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I’m sorry for not being sorry enough.

What do you want from me?

I hate to break it to you but I’m not tough.

Or dedicated.

Don’t you see?

 

I’m not who I was

And I don’t know how to get back there.

Thinking of who I’ll be gives me a buzz

And I just stare.

 

“I think you should try”, you said.

I laugh because I don’t want too.

I think I’ll give up instead.

You may think I’m a fool

Maybe I am.

And I Just Stare.