When I was about 15 years old I really started to pay attention to Nirvana. My parents liked them a lot and I’ve heard all of their classics but I wanted to dive in deeper. I remember that I spent a whole day upstairs in my bedroom surrounded by very poorly painted red walls (my mom let me paint them myself), hunched over my old Dell laptop scattering Salt and Vinegar chip crumbs all over the keyboard, digging up any music by Nirvana that I could find. I honestly think I have listened to everything by them that can be discovered online. Then I ventured into reading up about Kurt Cobain’s “suicide” and spent even more time on that. Yes, I am one of those people who think Kurt was murdered and yes, I think Courtney Love had something to do it. But I was so obsessed with Nirvana and Kurt Cobain. I fell in love with the thought of him. Not because he was attractive but solely because of his personality and how he spoke. It’s so funny to me because there’s not that many girls who can say at 15 years old they were obsessed with the grunge rock-n-roll band Nirvana and who idolized Kurt Cobain.
My senior year I had to write a paper in creative writing about a celebrity who I found inspirational and I immediately thought of Kurt Cobain. I did my senior year online so we had to publish our paper in a public thread so other students could read it and comment on it before we submit the final paper to the teacher. And a lot of people asked me, “why would you idolize a druggie who killed himself?” I was a little frustrated because they obviously didn’t take the time to read the whole paper and came at me with their claws out after the first sentence they read. I idolize Kurt Cobain not because he was a “druggie” who took his life but because he showed me that I could express myself freely and to not give a damn about what anyone else has to say about it. He didn’t give a shit about the critics or even the fame. He made music because he enjoyed it. He wrote what he wanted to write. He wrote stuff that was so off the wall and didn’t make sense because he wanted too. One of my favorite interviews with him was when he was asked, “Why do you always smash your guitar at the end of shows?” and he replied, “so I didn’t have to do an encore.”
You never hear that stuff anymore. These days everyone wants to just kiss ass to get up the totem pole. Everyone gets offended over everything.
I have to thank Kurt Cobain because he’s a big reason on why I came out of my shell and stopped caring about what people might think of me, or how I dress, or what I say or do in life. I live for me. I do what I want, say what I want. End of story.